WAYS TO MAKE YOUR MAN LOVE YOU LIKE CRAZY, LIKE HIS LIFE DEPENDS ON YOU...

Surely, every woman in the world would love to get her man obsessed with her. For wouldn't it be nice to be showered with love and affection, as well as be ascertained that your man isn't fooling around with other women? There are some things you can do in order to get your boyfriend to be obsessed with you and only you. Here are the most basic tips on how you could make him crazy about you:
Be everything that other girls aren't.
In short, make sure to show your true self, and this would make you unique. Show him that you are one of a kind by not patterning yourself on girls that you see on TV or the movies. If you want to laugh out loud even if they say girls should be prim and proper, just do so. Your confidence would surely mesmerize your boyfriend or husband.
Utilize the things that you have in common to your advantage.
Any man would feel the connection when he finds out that you two like the same things. He would be obsessing about being with you, knowing you two have so many things you can do together. Having similar interests would mean he can have more fun with you as you like the same things.
Have an awesome sense of humor.
Do not forget to have fun when you are talking with your man. If you are witty, do not be afraid to crack some punch lines every now and then. This guy is worth keeping if he knows how to laugh at your jokes as well.
Show him that killer look.
You can get any guy obsessed with you when you look your most beautiful all the time. Your boyfriend would surely be happy when you always look your best for him. Unfortunately, there are some women who forget about their appearance once they get a boyfriend. Don't ever forget that you need to keep your man physically attracted to you at all times.
Give him the ultimate satisfaction in bed.
Any guy would be crazy about you if you give him the best and most unforgettable experience in bed. When you give your boyfriend the ultimate satisfaction, it would be impossible for him to not want to be with you.
Make it seem as if you are desired by tons of other guys.
Make sure your man feels a little bit of jealousy every now and then. Let him know that there are a lot of other guys who are interested and are flirting with you. This would make him crazy knowing that anytime, there might be someone who can take you away.
Be a kind person.
There is nothing more attractive for guys than a girl with a kind and compassionate heart. Your man would surely love to be always around you when you are beautiful not just on the outside but on the inside as well.
Pay Close Attention Here-
Now listen carefully! Take 2 minutes to read the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will show you- How to Captivate a Man, Make Him Fall in Love with You -- and Give You The World. There is a set of easy to follow psychological tricks which shows any woman how to be irresistible to men. I strongly urge you to read everything on the next page before it's too late and time runs out

IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND STILL BE YOURSELF?

There is a very common question that people ask when they are about to go into a relationship and it is this:
"CAN I BE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND STILL BE ME?"
Well this simple question has a very simple answer: "YES!" The most basic building block of a relationship is love and those who truly love you, love you for who you are. Let me explain "LOVE" to you so you can get the answer to this question yourself.
Love is a feeling that we have towards someone because we like a attribute that they have. This may be something like their values, simplicity, honesty etc. This is true love, and this is real love.
Consider how it would be to begin a relationship where you pretend to be something you are not. If your future partner comes to love your "UNREAL SELF" the moment they find out about your true self they may stop loving you. Because they loved a particular attribute that you pretended to have and you actually did not have it: Quality gone, love gone.
If in a relationship, you show yourself "better" than you are, then the love will absolutely be fake, and basing the relationship on fake love would vis-à-vis make the love fake also. What is the need to save a fake relationship? Why would you pretend to save a fake relationship? Such is a relationship for which you have to pretend. However, at the end, such a relationship has no value. The people who love your real self truly love you, and as the saying goes will continue to love you "warts and all".
Therefore, the question could instead be, "CAN I HAVE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP WHILE I PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING I AM NOT", and the answer to it would be NO. If you think from the perspective that you might have to give up your attitude or you might have to become compliant the answer is the same; be real to get real love.
The tricky bit about this is that we all present our "best selves" when we first meet someone and consider going into a relationship. So is this fake? No - this is just presenting ourselves in a very conscious way. The problem with many relationships that go bad is not that they are fake but maybe it is because we stop being conscious of what we do in the presence of the other: We "let ourselves go" which is a disservice to ourselves as well as to the other person who would be our partner.
The lesson here then is: be yourself and while being the best you can be, by valuing yourself above all others, also be the best you can be for your partner and value equally that person and your relationship. In this way you can truly be who you are meant to be for you and for your partner. There is no pretence here, nothing fake just you being as real as you can be consciously and lovingly.

CAN YOU BE TOO SURE IT’S TRUE LOVE?

You do not just think that you have found your one true love, you know it within the very depths of your being that this is the one that fate has decreed you will spend many happy years with. If that is the case then wonderful, I am really pleased for you, just one small question, how do you really know? There are some very lucky people who do experience love at first sight, but if you are a mere mortal like the rest of us then how do you know? How do you know if it is true love and not infatuation, that is easy, patience.
You meet each other for the first time and in the background violins are playing and fireworks are going off. You both find that there is that tentative initial connection between you and so you start to see more of each other. And before you know it you have floated into the honeymoon period zone on a sea of romance. The honeymoon period is a bad time to make any major decisions because until it moves of you will be totally fixated by your partner. Your thoughts keep turning towards them, you spend as much time as is possible with them, they can do no wrong, and you overlook faults that might have otherwise have caught your eye. During the early stages it could be infatuation or lust, it could also be love.
At some point, the honeymoon period will end, reality will return and it is probably fair to say that this will be the first time that you really see each other. It could be that you start to notice those irritating habits that you had so far ignored. Maybe you have gone into this relationship with woefully unrealistic expectations and that you intend making your partner and relationship match the one that you have in your imagination. When you fall for someone, you fall for the whole package, faults and all. You do not look at how they can be changed, because if you change them then they are no longer the person that you fell in love with. If you really love them then you will do what you can to make them happy, you will take the time to find out what they want and need from the relationship, and you will listen to them and not the voice in your head saying this way would be better. Be happy with who you have and learn to make a happy and fulfilling life with them.
You might be head over heels about someone but that does not mean that you will build the relationship of your dreams with them, that takes work and commitment from both of you. You will probably have heard the saying that opposites attract, I do not doubt that some of them have gone on to make very happy relationships, but... If you are looking for a relationship that can go the distance, one which gives your life real meaning, then you need to find someone that you have something in common with such as hobbies or interests. Attraction is all very nice but unless you have something else then the relationship is unlikely to last. Do you like your partner, could they be your best friend and you theirs? You could be together for decades, the early passionate love will eventually fade and if you do not have a bond of friendship and companionship then your relationship will likely fade away.
How do you know if it is true love? Is it all about physical attraction? Do you continually make demands on your partner? Do you have any idea about your partners wants and needs, do you even care? Do you have to be with your partner 100% of the time so that they have no life outside of their relationship? Is passion your sole driving force or is there more to you? If this is you then I strongly suggest that you need to have some serious thought about how you live your life.
How do you know if it is true love? Will you give them their own space so that they can do their own thing, meet with friends, meet with family etc. Have you learnt how your partner thinks, what their wants and needs are, what their hopes and dreams are, do you know them enough to anticipate their needs? Are you prepared to devote the time and energy that is so necessary to making your relationship work? If your partner is not yet ready to commit to a serious relationship, will you give them the time that they need to be able to make that decision? Do you enjoy being with your partner and spending time in their company, can you talk to each other on the same wavelength, and do you want what is best for them, even if it means sacrifices on your part? You do? Then I think that you are in love.
The last two paragraphs showed you the extremes, there is also a lot of grey space in between. If you really love someone then you have to be ready to share your life with them, you have to be completely open and honest with them, if they need help you are their unconditional guarantee of support, and you will do what you can to make them happy, even if that means compromise and sacrifice on your part. Love is not just about the romance, it is about everything that goes into making you lives and relationship happy and fulfilling. To make it work you both have to love each other, and you both have to be committed to the relationship, you cannot have just one making all the running. Unless you are very lucky it will not be all plain sailing, you will have problems but if you work through them together you will come out stronger, more together and more in love.

Is Love really worth looking for?

I get asked a lot by a lot of women, what is love worth finding? It is a tough question but it does have an answer. The good news is that there is in fact love worth finding. There are certain types of men that are worth looking for or even chasing. You want to end up with the best man possible, a man who will love and cherish you. This is if you want a long-term relationship or even marriage.

If you are looking for some fun or a passionate short to medium-term relationship then the below advice will not apply.

Listed below are three sure-fire ways to know the man you are after is love worth finding:

1. He Respects You: This is probably the most important trait you want in a man you are looking to settle with. You want to be with a man who will always respect you. He will respect you all the time, when you are alone with him and when you are in the company of others. You never should be a man who will insult you or make you feel low and I mean never!

2. You Trust Him And He Trusts You: Trust is a very hard thing to build. I am talking about true trust, when you blindly trust someone. It is also something that can easily be lost if someone breaches it. In order for true love to blossom, there needs to be trust. You have to be absolutely certain that you trust him and equally he trusts you.

3. Your Happiness Means The World To Him: He will do anything to make you happy. He will go out of his way to make you happy. This guy is always thinking up of ways to make you smile and make your day better. This is a super trait in a man and means he is so worth going after and keeping!

If the man you are thinking about going after has the above traits then he is definitely love worth finding. If you don't have a specific man in mind, then make sure he has the above traits if you are looking to love someone and settle down.

Why is it girls tend to hate on the players?

Let me ask this question, Whenever you browse any online dating sites, what do you usually see on most women's profiles?

Most likely you will notice these three things: no players, no games and they only want to meet "honest" guys. Yet when you take 100% of what they say and go out of your way to prove to them you are serious, you are not playing games with them and you are honest and committed to build a long-term relationship, guess what happens?

Nothing!? They are just not interested! Indeed you are a good guy, nice and sweet but you are only qualified as a great friend and not a lover. She will only talk when she has been hurt by the latest player and complaining about men and their games.

So, why is this contradiction here? First, you will never see on a woman's profile that says," I am looking for a dishonest guy, a skilful player, an expert in the games of tricking women to bed." But yet "players" still attract truck loads of women and why is this so, if women hate players?

The answer is, they do not. They enjoy the fun of hanging out with the player. But they hate the heart-breaking feeling when the player dumps them like used tissue paper for another woman. It is the feeling of being dumped that women hate, not the feeling of spending time with the player.

People love to hear funny words and see comical acts and like to be with people who are jovial and humorous. But they hate the feeling of being a loser to players' games. People like to "play along" when they win. The same logic applies to women. They love the exhilaration of the "attraction game", but hate the heartbreak and rejection that goes along with it.

So, what should guys do? Sieve out only the attractive elements from the player and be the fun guy that women like to stick around with.

What women hate most about players is they lie, they create false expectations and hopes and they tell women what they love to hear for the sake of short term fun. When the player leaves, she feels embarrassed, humiliated, and "played" and no women wants to have this lousy feeling.

This is the reality: women love to have as much fun as men do, but they do not like to be cheated, embarrassed, or humiliated. If you are an interesting guy who does not do any of the cheating games and is straightforward about your intentions after she is attracted to you, she will play along with you and stay in your life. Do you want to know how to play the dating game the right way and be the guy that most women "hunger for"?

3 Short tips on how to woo a woman no matter how you look

If you have ever thought about why many average looking men are more successful with girls compared to you, you should check out the seduction approaches that they are using. The capability to attract and seduce any woman is not a thing that a guy is born with naturally.

Regardless of whether you are gifted with good genes or not, you'll still need to compete with many other men who're much more gifted in the dating abilities than you.

If you are frustrated of being unsure to make a girl to love you, then read those tips listed here...

1. Impression

A woman will view you just like you view yourself. This is because how you act or behave will express your thoughts exactly. Rather than wasting time finding out how you can take control of your body gestures, you should correct your way of thinking instead. Make women view you as easy going and fun when you begin conversing with them, this will certainly get you more dates.

2. Power

You may think that the woman possesses the power, since she can easily reject you if she would like to. However, it is time for you to change that. Women, regardless of how beautiful they are, have an insecure element in their personalities who bloats every time they meet a man who is not immediately taken by them. Their vanity is their weak point, thus you must make use of that to your benefit.

Get her think that it requires more than outer beauty to make an impression on you, and she is going to attempt her best to allow you to discover the good thing about her personality. At this moment, the power shifts to your side.

3. Dream telepathy

Dream telepathy is a technique which makes a female focus on you. The main element is to implant thoughts and feelings into her mind through dreams. When she always dreams of you, She will begin to anchor her feelings and emotions to you.

Make-shifts about Love

Are you lost as you try to make a guy fall in love with you? Is there a cute new guy on your horizon and you'd like to win him over? Are you afraid to make any kind of move at all because all your attempts at relationships in the past have failed? Love isn't always easy, but if you learn the secrets of this article, you'll be well on your way.

Be a flirt without being a floozy.

Be prepared to have a great smile at the ready whenever you see him. This doesn't need to be a wild or fake smile. You don't want to steal the sultry smile your friend pulls off because it simply might not work for you. Have an honest smile and be yourself.

As you get to talk to him and get to know him, don't stress too much with the romance aspect, but concentrate instead on simply having fun with him. Allow yourself to laugh and have a good time. Keep the conversation light and be sure you listen just as much as you talk. Many women can highjack a conversation and not let the guy say a word. Don't make that mistake unless the guy makes it abundantly clear that he has little to say and is simply interested in hearing about you.

When he's feeling good about you and the fun times he always has with you, he'll be more open to the notion of opening his heart to you and this is how you'll be able to make him fall in love with you.

Shedding off shyness.

How to Sparkle at a Party No more hiding behind the shrimp cocktail table. With minimal preparation, you can engage with more than the appetizers. Have a road map . Conversation with strangers typically moves through five stages, says psychologist Bernardo Carducci, from opening line (keep it simple) and introductions, to trying out topics and exploring for common ground, to closure, in which you tell that person that you're going, sum up what you learned and possibly exchange contact information.

Once you internalize these steps, you will always have a mental map of where to go next. Stay informed . "If you're going someplace next week, then know what happened this week, in local business, or on Lost ," says Carducci. "You don't have to be an expert." To help conversations flow, he adds, apply the two rules of brainstorming: Throw in comments without trying to impress people, and don't judge ideas as they come up. Others will participate more freely if they don't think what they say will be criticized. Warm up .

Arrive early at events so you can meet people one-on- one. Then, move on to "quick talk," says Carducci. "Talk to lots of different people for short periods, so you don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. Have the same conversation with 8 or 10 people in your initial swing through the crowd—you're warming up, just like someone at a race. Then you can go back to the people who interest you." Look approachable .

When people conceal their social anxiety behind a neutral mask, others can become uneasy and interpret their faces as aloof or hostile. To develop warmer interactions, practice looking up with a welcoming smile in the mirror. When we hunch up and lower our heads, we feel more introspective, explains therapist Erika Hilliard. When we stand tall and lift our heads, our attention moves outward.

The First 30 Seconds Approaching a stranger is nerve-wracking, but the benefits can be worth the short-term anxiety .
Relive a confident moment . If you're feeling down on yourself, others will sense it. Pretending you like yourself doesn't fool people either. Instead, "remember the last time you were shining inside and out, and your body will be responsive," says therapist Erika Hilliard. Eye contact shows respect .

To make a good first impression, maintain a relaxed posture and warm, engaging eye contact. By meeting someone's eyes, you're showing that your mind is not someplace else. To soften your gaze, move your eyes lightly around the person's face, says relationship coach Susan Rabin. Say anything . To break the ice, comment on some detail about the environment around you, says psychologist Bernardo Carducci.

Your purpose is simply to signal your willingness to talk. "People think they have to be witty or urbane—what they really have to be is nice." Give extra information . To get a conversation humming, add details, such as "I live on Spring Street near that fantastic bakery." "This gives others more topics to run with, so the conversation doesn't drop like a lead balloon," says Hilliard. "It does not have to be deep and intimate to be a meaningful connection." Don't just walk away . If the conversation stops for a moment, do you panic and rush off?

Once you're sure it's time to conclude, summarize some points of connection, and express gratitude . That way, Carducci says, you'll be more confident about making plans for future contact. Jamie Sussel Turner, a New Jersey principal, met her future husband in an elevator when she turned to him and said, " So, are you here for the conference?"

Sex-starved wives: shaking off the boundaries.

I heard a joke the other day that goes something like this. A couple seeks marital therapy . The wife complains that her husband isn't interested in having sex . At some point in the middle of the session the therapist grabs the woman and kisses her passionately while she "oohs" and "aahs" with delight. The therapist then turns to the husband and says, "See, your wife needs this every Monday, Wednesday and Friday." The husband is quiet for a moment and then replies, "Monday and Wednesday will work, but I can't get her here on Friday. I've got a golf game." This joke caught my attention because it had an unfamiliar ring to it- the husband didn’t want sex . We’re used to the standard jokes about desire-less women who prefer doing just about anything- cleaning out the freezer, paying bills or taking out the garbage- over having sex with their mates. But this was a new twist, a twist I might add, that has quite a bit of truth to it.
As someone who is in the front lines with couples and youthful relationships, I have grown increasingly aware that women have no corner on the low libido market. In fact, based on my clinical observations and casual conversations with colleagues, I’d say that low desire in men is America’s best kept secret . After all, in a culture where virility is inextricably connected with masculinity, why would any man want to broadcast his drop in desire? Most of the data available on the incidence of low libido in men is based on self-report and estimates vary widely.
Do we really know what goes on behind bedroom doors? I don’t think so.
Although it isn’t hard core research by any stretch of the imagination, I teamed up with Redbook Magazine to survey women about their views on their husbands’ sexual appetites. We found some interesting results. I will mention just a few. Sixty percent of the women surveyed said they wanted sex just as much, if not more, than their husbands.
The majority of low desire men are unwilling to discuss this issue with their wives and resist seeking help from doctors or therapists. They also won’ t talk to their buddies about it. (It’s hard to imagine a guy walking into a locker room, telling his friend, “I really wish my wife didn’t want sex all the time. I hate that she thinks of me as a sex object. And another thing…why can’t we hug without her thinking we have to have sex? She just has a one-track mind.”) Men’s unwillingness to openly discuss this matter leaves women feeling exasperated, lonely and hopeless. Another interesting point is that the person with lower sexual desire (in this case, the husband) controls the frequency of sex. He has the veto power. Not only that, he expects his wife to accept it, not complain about it and to remain monogamous, an expectation that is bound to backfire over time. The survey also suggested that there is less sex in marriages when the husband has low desire than in marriages where women are the ones who say, “No”. That’s because, in our culture, men are expected to be the initiators and when it is the wife who initiates but gets turned down frequently, she is more likely to give up than her male counterpart.
Another myth-buster revealed by the survey was what women said were the causes for their husbands’ lack of desire. Contrary to popular belief that the only reason a man would turn down sex is because “his machinery isn’t working properly,” or their wives are extremely unattractive, this just isn’t so. Men, it seems, turn off to sex for many of the same reasons that their wives do- emotional disconnection, underlying resentment or unresolved problems, depression , stress and so on. In fact, one of the most common reasons men reject their wives’ advances is that they feel their wives are critical or bossy.
Nagging simply isn’t an aphrodisiac. The problem is, which comes first, the chicken or the egg? Are men turned off to being sexual because their wives complain, or do women complain and behave angrily because their husbands are physically and emotionally withdrawn? Ah yes, the infamous Catch-22. And therein lies the problem. When there is a sexual divide, each spouse waits for the other to change. “If you are nice to me, then I’ll have sex with you,” or “When you have sex with me, I’ll be kinder to you.” You don’t need a degree in psychology to know that this sort of standoff is playing with fire. Stalemates make marriages go down the tubes. And before I get nasty comments or emails about the fact that there are millions and millions of men who go to bed lonely,…. I know, I know. I have written extensively on this subject .
For the record, I routinely encourage women who have little or no understanding about their husbands’ sexual needs to place more priority on their physical relationships. But now it’s time to nudge men who have shut down and turned off, to climb out of their comfort zone and reconnect with the women they love. Don’t you agree?

Michele Weiner Davis is the creator of the Divorce Busting Centers , learn more on how you can solve marriage problems and stop divorce .

Are you aware that, Love has a loopy logic?

Let's talk about the most important interview you'll ever be granted. Seated at a well-appointed table, you mull the choice between crab cakes and seared tuna, but truly you are sorting through a mental repertoire of wisecracks and war stories.
If you are secure in your improvisational charms, you might use this moment to appraise the cleavage or cufflinks of the woman or man across the table.
There's no predicting discussion topics, but you can be sure they'll pertain to your marital status, extracurricular activities, and your job. (There are no verboten questions at this interview.) You are applying for a new and expanded life. Or, you simply want a one-night pass that can be renewed indefinitely. And you need to know whether your dining companion is up to the task.
A date makes us both spectator and performer at a two-ring circus: We troll for wit, kindness, curiosity, and "chemistry," hoping that we radiate these same attributes in the right amounts. From strategic winks and blinks to elaborate grooming to gifts of gorgeous baubles, men and women employ an arsenal of tricks in their romantic lives, all in the service of a demanding master at the far reaches of conscious awareness. Eons of evolution have honed our behavior to aid and abet a reproductive payoff.
The sum of the stratagems we employ, and the wisdom of nature in crafting them without our explicit awareness, are now the subject of intense study by evolutionary psychologists.
Our sexual calculations and character reconnaissance, it turns out, call for smart, but not always accurate, judgments. That's because mating intelligence is as oxymoronic as the term suggests. We routinely bring both cold reason and outsized misconceptions to a relationship. Both serve a purpose. A woman will accurately gauge her date's personality on first meeting, but she will grow more convinced of his good humor and charm if they stick together.
To woo a woman, a guy will grossly exaggerate his income, commitment, and affection for cuddly creatures. But he may have to correctly read microgestures as fine as tea leaves to discern whether she's truly impressed. Male and female mating intelligence part ways when it comes to each sex's competing procreative goals . Inscrutable though our machinations may be to our partners (and to ourselves), romantic behavior is driven by a deep logic. Our minds have evolved to warp reality. Even so, we have unique skews in the mating realm. We've all got blind spots about the opposite sex . And sometimes that's for the best.

Lesbianism on face loop.

What is the effect on marriage of wives' affairs with other women? Does it mean they are unfaithful? In our current post modern times of multi-layered experience, a woman's sexual attractions are influenced by social and cultural constructions, personal history, as well as inner strivings, situational, and marital factors. The meaning of a wife's extramarital affair with a woman is a unique experience with a private meaning that differs for each and every woman. I will explore some of these multiple meanings of married women's affairs with other women that I wrote about in my book Daring Wives: Insight into Women's Desires for Extramarital Affairs. The effect on marriage is manifold as a husband may feel his wife has not only betrayed him with another woman, but that she knew about her sexual longings and, in fact, has been betraying him right along. The research shows otherwise. There is evidence that a woman's sexuality is flexible, plastic, and may change over time. Childhood indicators of sexual orientation do not necessarily indicate a woman's later sexual orientation. For some women, sexual orientation may well be an emergent phenomenon, rather than an early-appearing trait .
Then there are some women have always known that they had sexual desires for other women and their marriage may be a way of trying to conform to societal constraints about same sex relationships. In that case, the woman, may have, unwittingly, used the marriage as an experiment to see if a relationship with a man could ‘cure' her of her lesbian leanings. The state of the marriage ─ a situational factor ─ can also influence a woman's expression of her same sex desires. Women want mutual power, reciprocity, recognition, empathy, and emotional attunement in the marital relationship. If her husband fails in these area ─and a woman does ─ a woman may be surprised by her emerging sexual feelings towards her female friend. In other cases, a husband may encourage his wife's affairs with other woman. Indeed, a husband still wields a great deal of power in his wife's choices. He may ask his wife to engage with him in swinging ─ that she engages in sex with another woman and that he watches or participates. Research indicates that although woman had no prior sexual attraction to another woman, after engaging in swinging with another woman, many continued to have sex with both men and women.

The "ex" factor: Your ex-lover and you.

We often find ourselves musing at the question, “how do I relate with my ex?” As straight as the question may appear to the lay-man, the factor as to how to go about it surpasses most thinking. Come to think of it, why should you even talk to your ex? What business do I have with him/her; after all I’ve been through? What connections are left for me in him/her? Was I better of in the relationship than I am now? The list of thoughts go on, but what most people overlook is the fact that, even though the relationship had to end the way it did (not depending on what ended it), a thing or two beclouds the time spent that makes it memorable of our thoughts, such that, at given periods, we tend to look back at those times we were together; the good and ugly experiences shared and the wondrous desires the relationship afforded.
Going through the tides, you are forced to look back in dire evaluation, wondering the mended affection that it experienced with the ex-lover. This feeling is natural. You often feel you shouldn’t have quit the relationship, owning to the memories that rupture your thoughts making you feel self-unsure and uncomfortable when in the closest contact with your ex. You feel betrayed and de-barred. You feel loathed and despised even after so many while of having quit the relationship.
As against the thoughts of moving on, you will be considering being friends with your ex. This is the dreaded four-word phrase… “Can we be friends?” It’s a classic break-up line, but it’s also an issue that must be faced when a relationship hits the rocks. In truth, the question ought to be, should we be friends? And, if so, how will you be about it.
Now you see, an ex-girlfriend will normally not call you for the simple reason she hates you. In her eyes you are the scum of the earth. You become a “pure and applied evil”. And as far as she is concerned, the reason it all ended was your fault. This is a focal factor that ramifies the art of dating and continuity in relationship issues and consideration.

Watch out for the sequel to this piece in subsequent publications.

THE REACH TO TRUE LOVE: a short piece.

Among the many desires of most young boys and girls today is that initial urge to feel loved, and express the art of loving in its highest manner. To this effect, so many things come to play in determining the magnitude at which love at every age is displayed. Therefore, when we take a critical love at love in its right context, we find that it super cedes every possible expression within our human reach. The zest to loving is quite apparent and differential to the human traits of desire, surge and pleasure; which are why there is no true loving other than balancing the choice to being loved and showing love in equal measure.
A reference to the instinct of passion is unarguably displayed by all men and women, in a way that defines what we know, and believe to be true love as an expressive feeling. Hence, the magnitude of life’s profound will to show out gentility is further expressed by the human virtues. Thus, to speak of love is to see it in its truest form, as a glide of natural expression.
In the young minds, the passion to love is rife and so is the desire to pour out emotional feelings. The adult mind on the other hand is calm in the showing of love, as garnered through experiences over time. The distinct factors then, do not necessarily turn the age factor, but to the flow of emotions that present themselves to people if diverse ages. The young; to aspire, the adult expresses love in maturity. This proves that love is road walked through the trunks of time, age and experience.

The few drops that tear relationships apart.

Without doubt, there are big problems that afflict relationships; infidelity , abuse, and addiction are not perishing from the earth. A highly sexualized society delivers an alluring drumbeat of distractions. But it may be the petty problems that subvert love most surreptitiously.

The dirty socks on the floor. The way our partner chews so loudly. Like the relentless drip of a leaky faucet, they erode the goodwill that underlies all relationships. Before you know it, you feel unloved, unheard, and underappreciated, if not criticized and controlled. Intimacy becomes a pale memory . Yet irritations are inevitable in relationships. It's just not possible to find another human being whose every quirk, habit, and preference aligns perfectly with yours.

The fundamental challenge in a relationship, contends New York psychiatrist John Jacobs, is "figuring out how to negotiate and live with your partner's irritants in a way that doesn't alienate them and keeps the two of you connected." When marriages don't work, he adds, often the partners are fighting not over big issues but over petty differences in style.

We each have differing values and ways of looking at the world, and we want different things from each other. Such differences derive from our genetically influenced temperaments, our belief systems, and experiences growing up in our family of origin, explains Diane Sollee, family therapist and founder of SmartMarriages. "We think, 'My father knew how to put the toilet seat down, so why can't you?' Or 'My father never put the toilet seat down, so I'm not going to, either.'" Whatever the source, such patterns are deeply ingrained, difficult to dislodge. Sometimes a sock on the floor is just a sock on the floor. But especially among longtime couples, little irritations may code for deeper problems. It's as if ice cubes become an iceberg, says family therapist John Van Epp. Think of ice cubes as free-floating irritants —bothersome but meaningless: You hate the way your partner puts his feet on the furniture or exaggerates. Such behaviors might drive you up the wall, but they're harmless. not over big issues but over petty differences in style.

Infidelity in a relationship.

Affairs aren't spontaneous, they require planning and Affairs aren't spontaneous; they require careful planning and decision-making . Often, the choices people make that pave the way for an affair- dinner with a co-worker, meeting an old boyfriend or girlfriend for a drink after work just to catch up, having lunch with an attractive, single neighbor on a regular basis or sending a lengthy Christmas update to a long lost heart throb- can seem relatively innocent. But one dinner date or late night conversation often leads to another and another and another. The talk becomes more personal.

Confessions of marital dissatisfaction bubble to the surface prompting empathy and support. People tell themselves, "I just needed someone to talk to. I wanted input from someone of the opposite sex." But you don't need a degree in psychology to know that the implicit message in these conversations is, "I'm unhappily married. Want to fool around?" You can tell yourself that you're not doing anything wrong, but the truth is, it's a sheer, slippery slope.

Then there is alcohol, the inhibition-buster that "made me do it. " And while it's true that many a bad decision has been made while under the influence, unless like teenagers in Cancun on spring break, people's mouths are forced open and alcohol poured down their throats, having a drink is a decision. Having two drinks is two decisions. You can do the math on the rest of the story. What about bad marriages? Don't they justify being unfaithful? After all, life is short. We only have one go around, right?

What's always amazed me is how differently people react to similar circumstances. I've met people whose spouses refused to have sex for years and although that made them miserable, they simply could not cheat. I've met other people who, when their relationships hit predictable bumps in the road, rather than work things out, they sought comfort in the arms of strangers. Unhappy marriages don't cause infidelity . Being unfaithful causes infidelity.

Nevertheless, life is short and feeling lonely in marriage is no way to live. But dulling one's pain through the instant gratification of hot sex or emotional closeness with someone who doesn't argue with you about bills, children or the in-laws isn't an effective or lasting way to fix what's wrong. In fact, infidelity complicates life enormously for everyone involved, a fact that should not be minimized when planning the next "just friends" Starbucks break. People who say their affairs just happened aren't necessarily intentionally trying to cover their asses or justify their behavior; they often truly believe what they're saying. They simply lack insight or awareness of the ways in which their actions, however subtle, have created their current predicaments. But in the same way that affairs don't just happen, neither does healing from betrayal .

Unless those who have strayed look inward and take personal responsible for the paths their lives have taken, they will not be able to get back on track when they've gotten derailed. In my view, being unconscious just doesn't cut it.

Finding the perfect soul mate.

Long live the new marriage! We once prized the institution for the practical pairing of a cash-producing father and a home-building mother. Now we want it all—a partner who reflects our taste and status, who sees us for who we are, who loves us for all the "right" reasons, who helps us become the person we want to be. We've done away with a rigid social order, adopting instead an even more onerous obligation: the mandate to find a perfect match. Anything short of this ideal prompts us to ask: Is this all there is? Am I as happy as I should be? Could there be somebody out there who's better for me? As often as not, we answer yes to that last question and fall victim to our own great expectations.
That somebody is, of course, our soul mate, the man or woman who will counter our weaknesses, amplify our strengths and provide the unflagging support and respect that is the essence of a contemporary relationship. The reality is that few marriages or partnerships consistently live up to this ideal. The result is a commitment limbo, in which we care deeply for our partner but keep one stealthy foot out the door of our hearts. In so doing, we subject the relationship to constant review: Would I be happier, smarter, a better person with someone else? It's a painful modern quandary. "Nothing has produced more unhappiness than the concept of the soul mate," says Atlanta psychiatrist Frank Pittman. Consider Jeremy, a social worker who married a businesswoman in his early twenties. He met another woman, a psychologist, at age 29 , and after two agonizing years, left his wife for her. But it didn't work out—after four years of cohabitation, and her escalating pleas to marry, he walked out on her, as well. Jeremy now realizes that the relationship with his wife was solid and workable but thinks he couldn't have seen that 10 years ago, when he left her. "There was always someone better around the corner—and the safety and security of marriage morphed into boredom and stasis. The allure of willing and exciting females was too hard to resist," he admits. Now 42 and still single, Jeremy acknowledges, "I hurt others, and I hurt myself." Like Jeremy, many of us either dodge the decision to commit or commit without fully relinquishing the right to keep looking— opting for an arrangement psychotherapist Terrence Real terms " stable ambiguity." "You park on the border of the relationship, so you're in it but not of it," he says. There are a million ways to do that: You can be in a relationship but not be sure it's really the right one, have an eye open for a better deal or something on the side, choose someone impossible or far away. Yet commitment and marriage offer real physical and financial rewards. Touting the benefits of marriage may sound like conservative policy rhetoric, but nonpartisan sociological research backs it up: Committed partners have it all over singles, at least on average. Married people are more financially stable, according to Linda Waite, a sociologist at the University of Chicago and a coauthor of The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier and Better Off . Both married men and married women have more assets on average than singles; for women, the differential is huge. The benefits go beyond the piggy bank. Married people, particularly men, tend to live longer than people who aren't married. Couples also live better: When people expect to stay together, says Waite, they pool their resources, increasing their individual standard of living. They also pool their expertise—in cooking, say, or financial management . In general, women improve men's health by putting a stop to stupid bachelor tricks and bugging their husbands to exercise and eat their vegetables. Plus, people who aren't comparing their partners to someone else in bed have less trouble performing and are more emotionally satisfied with sex . The relationship doesn't have to be wonderful for life to get better, says Waite: The statistics hold true for mediocre marriages as well as for passionate ones. The pragmatic benefits of partnership used to be foremost in our minds. The idea of marriage as a vehicle for self-fulfillment and happiness is relatively new, says Paul Amato, professor of sociology, demography and family studies at Penn State University. Surveys of high school and college students 50 or 60 years ago found that most wanted to get married in order to have children or own a home. Now, most report that they plan to get married for love. This increased emphasis on emotional fulfillment within marriage leaves couples ill-prepared for the realities they will probably face. Because the early phase of a relationship is marked by excitement and idealization, "many romantic, passionate couples expect to have that excitement forever," says Barry McCarthy, a clinical psychologist and coauthor—with his wife, Emily McCarthy—of Getting It Right the First Time: How to Build a Healthy Marriage . Longing for the charged energy of the early days, people look elsewhere or split up.

Dealing with approach anxiety.

Approach Anxiety : noun, singular . The fear of approaching and interacting with a stranger you find attractive.

If you suffer from clinical approach anxiety, go see a therapist who can prescribe the appropriate drugs , or take you back to 1984. I can't help. I'm more of a mechanic of human interaction. Thankfully I'm the type of grease monkey most people need. That's because most people suffer from non-clinical approach anxiety—a common sort of thing that frustrates us, and prevents us from approaching a stranger we want to get to know. Most of us can function normally day to day, but when we see someone attractive across a crowded room... ZONK! We become locked into a catatonic state I call FGB, Frozen Guy Behavior or Frozen Girl Behavior. FGB happens to everyone. Maybe it's happening to you right now as you read this on your laptop at Starbucks. See that pretty girl? Go talk to her. See what I mean? ZONK!

Ask a person on the street what to do about the fear of approaching a hottie in a bar and you'll likely get a lecture on how easy it is to meet people. "Just get drunk," advises my brother-in-law Andy. " Worked for me." For the record, Andy is getting married in a few weeks to a great girl so maybe he's onto something. But I can't help thinking it's not realistic to be drunk all day. And like all of the popular cures for FGB, it's not based on awakening people to action, but on seeking to avoid that feeling of fear. Avoiding fear is profitable business. People spend wads of cash trying to drink the courage they think they need to talk to people in a bar.

Some estimates indicate that if people stopped relying on alcohol to hook up, the beer and wine industry would lose 95 percent of its business, and nightclubs would have to close their doors. Okay, those are my personal estimates, but you get the point. People are looking for courage in a bottle, or in a pill or in voodoo. Maybe you' ve heard of NLP. Neuro Linguistic Programming is a pseudo science ( my opinion) that single men take courses on in order to trick their minds into being unafraid to talk to pretty girls. They use flash cards of bunny rabbits and leggy models. Voodoo I say. Waste of your time, money and good intelligence .

OK, now I'm going to tell you what I think you ought to do about approach anxiety. Nothing. That's right. Nothing. The problem is not the anxiety. The problem is the lack of action. If you experience FGB, don't look for a way to magically reduce your fear. Instead, I want you to do something revolutionary that most "experts" would never recommend. I want you to suck it up and go talk to that hot guy or girl anyway. See the hottie, feel the fear, go approach anyway, act nervous and stupid, be rejected (maybe), chalk a victory up to action, become better at tackling a fear.

Over the next month I want you to develop the habit of confronting fear. It's my opinion that the human body needs fear. You may not have noticed, but on the government's chart of recommended daily allowance of essential vitamins and minerals, just under Vitamin E and above Folic acid, is Vitamin F for fear.
A healthy person has a bit of fear in their lives every day. Without fear, you're not challenging yourself and growing. You have your choice—I'm prescribing ten minutes of apprehension or two minutes of utter terror, every day. I want you to develop the habit of taking action in the face of fear. Go toward the dark, scary thing. Everyone should have a fear- confronting ritual they perform every day. One of my fear- approaching rituals is riding my Vespa in Los Angeles traffic. Yours can be approaching and talking to strangers. If you're afraid of that, you're lucky. You have something convenient on which to sharpen your habit of confronting fear.
Ask a person on the street what to do about the fear of approaching a hottie in a bar and you'll likely get a lecture on how easy it is to meet people. "Just get drunk," advises my brother-in-law Andy. " Worked for me." For the record, Andy is getting married in a few weeks to a great girl so maybe he's onto something. But I can't help thinking it's not realistic to be drunk all day. And like all of the popular cures for FGB, it's not based on awakening people to action, but on seeking to avoid that feeling of fear. Avoiding fear is profitable business. People spend wads of cash trying to drink the courage they think they need to talk to people in a bar. Some estimates indicate that if people stopped relying on alcohol to hook up, the beer and wine industry would lose 95 percent of its business, and nightclubs would have to close their doors. Okay, those are my personal estimates, but you get the point. People are looking for courage in a bottle, or in a pill or in voodoo. Maybe you' ve heard of NLP. Neuro Linguistic Programming is a pseudo science ( my opinion) that single men take courses on in order to trick their minds into being unafraid to talk to pretty girls. They use flash cards of bunny rabbits and leggy models. Voodoo I say. Waste of your time, money and good intelligence . OK, now I'm going to tell you what I think you ought to do about approach anxiety. Nothing. That's right. Nothing. The problem is not the anxiety. The problem is the lack of action. If you experience FGB, don't look for a way to magically reduce your fear. Instead, I want you to do something revolutionary that most "experts" would never recommend. I want you to suck it up and go talk to that hot guy or girl anyway. See the hottie, feel the fear, go approach anyway, act nervous and stupid, be rejected (maybe), chalk a victory up to action, become better at tackling a fear. Over the next month I want you to develop the habit of confronting fear. It's my opinion that the human body needs fear. You may not have noticed, but on the government's chart of recommended daily allowance of essential vitamins and minerals, just under Vitamin E and above Folic acid, is Vitamin F for fear. A healthy person has a bit of fear in their lives every day. Without fear, you're not challenging yourself and growing. You have your choice—I'm prescribing ten minutes of apprehension or two minutes of utter terror, every day. I want you to develop the habit of taking action in the face of fear. Go toward the dark, scary thing. Everyone should have a fear- confronting ritual they perform every day. One of my fear- approaching rituals is riding my Vespa in Los Angeles traffic. Yours can be approaching and talking to strangers. If you're afraid of that, you're lucky. You have something convenient on which to sharpen your habit of confronting fear.

Beyond Betrayal: Life After Infidelity Why men and woman cheat.

Culled from; "Not all affairs are alike; some are even accidental." By Frank Pittman , published on May 01 , 1993 - last reviewed on June 25 , 2010

Day after day in my office I see men and women who have been messing around. They lead secret lives, as they hide themselves from their marriages. They go through wrenching divorces, inflicting pain on their children and their children's children. Or they make desperate, tearful, sweaty efforts at holding on to the shreds of a life they've betrayed. They tell me they have gone through all of this for a quick thrill or a furtive moment of romance. Sometimes they tell me they don't remember making the decision that tore apart their life: "It just happened." Sometimes they don't even know they are being unfaithful. (I tell them: "If you don't know whether what you are doing is an infidelity or not, ask your spouse.") From the outside looking in, it is insane. How could anyone risk everything in life on the turn of a screw? Infidelity was not something people did much in my family, so I always found it strange and noteworthy when people did it in my practice. After almost 30 years of cleaning up the mess after other people's affairs, I wrote a book describing everything about infidelity I'd seen in my practice. The book was Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy (Norton). I thought it might help. Even if the tragedy of AIDS and the humiliation of prominent politicians hadn't stopped it, surely people could not continue screwing around after reading about the absurd destructiveness of it. As you know, people have not stopped having affairs. But many of them feel the need to write or call or drop by and talk to me about it. When I wrote Private Lies , I thought I knew everything there was to know about infidelity. But I know now that there is even more.
Accidental Infidelity All affairs are not alike. The thousands of affairs I've seen seem to fall into four broad categories. Most first affairs are cases of accidental infidelity, unintended and uncharacteristic acts of carelessness that really did "just happen." Someone will get drunk, will get caught up in the moment—will just be having a bad day. It can happen to anyone, though some people are more accident prone than others, and some situations are accident zones. Many times a young man has started his career as a philanderer quite accidentally when he is traveling out of town on a new job with a philandering boss who chooses one of a pair of women and expects the young fellow to entertain the other. The most startling dynamic behind accidental infidelity is misplaced politeness, the feeling that it would be rude to turn down a needy friend's sexual advances. In the debonair gallantry of the moment, the brazen discourtesy to the marriage partner is overlooked altogether. Both men and women can slip up and have accidental affairs, though the most accident-prone are those who drink, those who travel, those who don't get asked much, those who don't feel very tightly married, those whose running buddies screw around, and those who are afraid to run from a challenge. Most are men. After an accidental infidelity, there is clearly the sense that one's life and marriage have changed. The choices are: 1 . To decide that infidelity was a stupid thing to do, to confess it or not to do so, but to resolve to take better precautions in the future; 2 . To decide you wouldn't have done such a thing unless your husband or wife had let you down, put the blame on your mate, and go home and pick your marriage to death; 3 . To notice that lightning did not strike you dead, decide this would be a safe and inexpensive hobby to take up, and do it some more; 4 . To decide that you would not have done such a thing if you were married to the right person, determine that this was meant to be, and declare yourself in love with the stranger in the bed. Romantic Infidelity Surely the craziest and most destructive form of infidelity is the temporary insanity of falling in love. You do this, not when you meet somebody wonderful (wonderful people don't screw around with married people) but when you are going through a crisis in your own life, can't continue living your life, and aren't quite ready for suicide yet. An affair with someone grossly inappropriate—someone decades younger or older, someone dependent or dominating, someone with problems even bigger than your own—is so crazily stimulating that it's like a drug that can lift you out of your depression and enable you to feel things again. Of course, between moments of ecstasy, you are more depressed, increasingly alone and alienated in your life, and increasingly hooked on the affair partner. Ideal romance partners are damsels or "dumsels" in distress, people without a life but with a lot of problems, people with bad reality testing and little concern with understanding reality better. Romantic affairs lead to a great many divorces, suicides, homicides, heart attacks, and strokes, but not to very many successful remarriages. No matter how many sacrifices you make to keep the love alive, no matter how many sacrifices your family and children make for this crazy relationship, it will gradually burn itself out when there is nothing more to sacrifice to it. Then you must face not only the wreckage of several lives, but the original depression from which the affair was an insane flight into escape.

Am i in a healthy relationship?

It Feels Like Love - But Is It? Sometimes it feels impossible to find someone who's right for you — and who thinks you're right for him or her! So when it happens, you're usually so psyched that you don't even mind when your little brother finishes all the ice cream or your English teacher chooses the one day when you didn't do your reading to give you a pop quiz. It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be. What Makes a Healthy Relationship? Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these seven qualities: Mutual respect. Does he or she get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because you're acting like someone you're not!) The key is that your BF or GF is into you for who you are — for your great sense of humor, your love of reality TV, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries. Trust. You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It' s OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.
Listen Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground. Support. It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but can't take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play. Fairness/equality. You need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? It's not like you have to keep a running count and make sure things are exactly even, of course. But you'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time. Separate identities. In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives ( families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward. Good communication. You've probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women don't seem to speak the same language. We all know how many different meanings the little phrase "no, nothing's wrong" can have, depending on who's saying it! But what's important is to ask if you're not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. Never keep a feeling bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants to hear or because you worry about sounding silly. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that if you ask for it.
Listen What's an Unhealthy Relationship? A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior. Some people live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each other — emotionally, verbally, or physically. For some people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or OK. It's not! Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with kindness and respect or how to expect the same treatment. Qualities like kindnes