Many fears and needs exert power over your emotions, reactions and behaviors in a relationship. Often you are not aware neither of them, nor of they way they drive you to sabotage your relationships. When your relationship fails and you develop a new one - or stay with your partner albeit your problems - it is most likely that, not being aware of the way you harm your relationships - you'll continue reacting and behaving exactly the same way you did before. It is only when you develop Self-Awareness and become aware of the fears and needs which drive you, that you can de-activate their power and choose healthy, appropriate ways of interacting with your partners.
Which fears might exert power over your emotions, reactions and behaviors?
* The fear of abandonment.
* The fear of intimacy.
* The fear of commitment.
* The fear of losing your independence.
* The fear of being hurt.
Which needs might exert power over your emotions, reactions and behaviors?
* The need to be loved, accepted and respected.
* The need to be protected.
* The need for control and power.
* The need for independence.
* The need for security.
* The need to always be "right".
Do you recognize any of these fears and needs in you - or others? Can you see how they harm your relationships?
As long as you are driven by one or few of these fears and needs without being aware of it, you'll keep sabotaging your relationship time and again without realizing doing so.
How can you get in touch with your needs and fears?
The only way to get in touch with the fears and needs which exert power over you is to develop Self-Awareness: seeing and understanding which fears and needs control you, and how this is being expressed in your relationship. It is only then that you'll be able to free yourself from their power and develop a successful intimate relationship.
How can you become self-aware?
Developing Self-Awareness requires several steps:
* Taking the time to look inward.
* Asking yourself honest questions about the ways you behave with your partners, such as:
a) Are you a person who "gives space" to your partner due to appreciation of his/her own space (even he/she wants more closeness), or is it because of fear of commitment?
b) Are you a person who desires much closeness due to feeling "so much love" towards your partner, or due to fear of being abandoned?
c) Are you a person that never says NO? Is it because you are "accommodating", or is it because your need for love is so great that you'll do whatever it takes to not be rejected?
d) Are you a person who "loves so much" and does everything for your partner, or is it that your need for control drives you to "care so much" in order to control every thing in the relationship?
* Observing yourself and realizing the needs and fears which run your emotions, reactions and behaviors.
* Acknowledge and accept the power they exert over you.
* Figuring out and understanding the ways in which they sabotage your relationships.
* De-activating their power and releasing yourself from their hold.
* Becoming empowered to choose other ways of reacting and behaving, vital cultivating a healthy, successful intimate relationship.
As you look at yourself sincerely and honestly, having the courage to honestly report to yourself what you observe, you will understand the needs and fears which have been controlling you until now and become able to free yourself from their grip.
Want to learn how to become aware of fears and needs which harm your relationships? Find out by visiting: http://self-awareness-and-relationships.blogspot.com
Doron Gil, Ph.D., is a university teacher, workshop leader, counsellor and consultant, specialized in the interplay between Self-Awareness and Relationships. Dr. Gil has taught this subject to thousands of students and trained physicians, managers, school teachers and parents on how to develop Self-Awareness in order to expand their personal and professional skills. Dr. Gil has lectured widely on these and related subjects at conferences world-wide.
In his recently-published book: "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship" Dr. Gil explains how being unaware sabotages relationships and teaches how to develop Self-Awareness.
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